remembering why i love them...

if you're reading the title and thinking this is going to be some sweet, precious post walking down memory lane recounting all the fabulously wonderful things about my kids, well - you're a bit off. it's more like i had to call mom last night on the way to church for her to tell me one good reason why to keep 4 of her grandchildren alive. (KIDDING - don't anyone call CPS, but I was so flippin' mad!) Allow me to back up and start at the beginning of my day.

Had a much better run yesterday morning. Can't really tell you why, but it felt good for whatever reason. Knew I had a lot to get accomplished that morning, because we were planning to meet friends at the zoo for the morning! It's been several weeks, and we all know how much we LOVE the zoo, so that was our plan. However, Callie was in some cantankerous mood over nothing all morning. Did not want to get dressed, did not want to wear the clothes that I finally picked to make her get dressed, did not want her hair done - you get the picture. just a total dramatic mess all morning. i was totally trying to use the zoo to my best advantage, but she still was having a really hard time. caleb was following david around most of the morning pretty whiny too. not happy times here. We got in the car to head to the grocery store to get my couponing done - hoping to be in and out. it was not a long list this week, but some great deals (spent $38 and saved $101 - love that!) That was about the extent of the happiness at the store. we were riding in one of those 2 seater car shopping carts (do you know what I mean...i realize i'm rambling) and hoping that would be enough happiness-inducing to get us through...but it wasn't. callie could NOT keep her hands off of Caleb's head...and he's learning to retaliate, so again...big mess.

We got back in the car and realized i left the diaper bag and the snack bag at home that i needed for the zoo. we drove home...i'm still trying to salvage my morning with friends at the zoo - telling callie not to blow it and lose her priviledge, etc. After getting back on the road, caleb starts wailing again - callie had pulled his hair - and that was enough. We turned around (callie said "now what did you forget mommy?" and i told her the zoo was not happening that day. We went home, put Caleb to bed, and had a talk about our attitudes.

The rest of the morning was okay. Lots of books read, some games played, laundry put away. Caleb took a great 2 1/2 hour nap and we all enjoyed lunch. We had to go up to the boys' school to return some library books there and so we picked them up from school about 10 minutes early. I figured it would get us home a bit early and get settled since we had a late night at church ahead of us.

We got home, played outside for about 30 minutes and then told everyone it was time to head inside for rest time. We had regular choir practice, christmas choir practice, and then had to stay late for band practice which meant 9-9:30 pm before we'd head home. To make a long story short (too late for that I know), NOBODY slept. Not even Caleb. (sidenote - i know he's transitioning to only needing 1 nap.....was trying to make it 1 more week until biblestudy is over...). I had put jacob in my bed, josiah in their room, and callie in her room. i knew they were all tired and needed to rest. Again, don't care if they sleep or not (although i knew they NEEDED to in this case), but they needed some rest time. Nobody obeyed. I was downstairs working on my biblestudy and heard all kinds of chaos upstairs. They were all disciplined accordingly.

Finally, they were allowed downstairs and we did homework, read our books, and got dinner on the table. I headed upstairs while they were eating to change my shirt before choir (because it was covered in sweet baby snot and drool) and discovered that my closet had been totally ransacked. i stood there with my mouth hanging open. My 3 bags of operation christmas child stuff - dumped everywhere. ALL OF MY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS that i've been buying and hiding away totally laid out all over the floor. seriously i think steam was coming out of my ears. jacob had climbed up on my shelves, taken every bag down and went through everything. (he later told me that callie was in there too). i was so mad - so annoyed - so heartsick over the fact that all of these fun surprises that we'd been working on were now ruined. and did i say mad?

it was all i could do to get them in the car and head for church. i told them no one was allowed to talk (they all fell asleep on the way...of course! they were supposed to take a nap, remember?) I punished jacob and told him i was taking everything back - that they weren't going to have any presents because he had ruined it - and i was going to give all their presents to other children that know how to obey. i do feel slightly guilty for trying to make him feel guilty...and for lying in the process...but i just wanted him to grasp the enormity of it all. maybe i'm going overboard here. that was the state that i called my mom in.

the rehearsals went well, but i was obviously not completely there or available. i had told the kids that instead of playing at band practice, they were going to have to sit in a chair the whole time and wait until we were done. josiah obeyed after whining initially. jacob got up a few times and then got in trouble for it and decided i was for real and obeyed after that. callie didn't obey....and i was stuck because i was having to hold on to caleb too. finally i was holding on to her hand and wouldn't let go...and she started screaming. that makes for a conducive band practice doesn't it? i packed the kids up and we left. got them home and in bed as fast as i could and was in bed 2 minutes later. left the house totally destroyed. david got home shortly after i did and was surprised to see me getting in bed. i told him "I'm done". that's all i said. poor guy - probably thought i had totally lost it.

i set my alarm for 5 am this morning to get the house back in order, get a run in, and get things prepared for biblestudy. i came downstairs to see that my sweet husband had already cleaned everything up downstairs - even vaccuumed for me. he loves me. even in my crazy, ridiculous, make no sense frustrated attitude, he loves me.

biblestudy was good. perspective is back. still really mad about the whole situation. told the boys they were not allowed to go to karate today (they were VERY upset about that). told them we were going to have rest time again today and they would have another chance to obey....i think they get it now. i told them i had a lot of fun things that i can take away and we can just do work all the time until they can learn that i mean what i say and then need to obey. don't i sound like a horrible mom? i just have had it. so it's back to the basics around here. probably don't want to call me anytime and ask how i'm doing! we're going on vacation soon and i think we're going to be in boot camp until then getting some of these attitudes under control. sigh.

i do love them though. even in spite of all this. parenting is hard. they don't tell you this stuff at baby showers!