Wednesday, January 11, 2012

You're WHAT?!?!?!?!?

Yep! We're pregnant! Baby Schrodt #5 is due August 14, 2012!!!

Okay, here goes. You ready for the back story? It's a doozy!! :) When we first got married, we said 6 kids. We both came from families of 4 kids. Loved having big families. Felt like we wanted a big family too. Once we had our own child (or children...), we backed off of the "6" idea and settled more into "4" - it was more comfortable...what we both knew, etc. When I was pregnant with Caleb though, I never felt like he was it. Never felt like "this is my last pregnancy", "last baby", none of that. All of my friends that had gone through it had those feelings of "this is definitely it". I definitely did NOT. And I didn't really know why. Life is busy with these 4. They are very close in age. We are extremely active in ministry which keeps us very busy. We are not millionaires. And so after we had Caleb, we both said we were probably done (David was TOTALLY done), but I just kept saying I wasn't ready to say that. I honestly didn't know why. My family looked nice and tidy. 4 is a nice even number (and I have a THING about even numbers). Two older kids, two younger kids. Nice right? But something was missing. I still had that feeling that something was off. When people would ask me if we were "done", I would say "probably so, but we're just not ready to say done forever". I really didn't know what that meant - if it meant we would adopt one day, foster a child one day, have another baby, etc. I just knew that I didn't have a settled peace about it. But we were NOT trying to have another baby right now - on the contrary!

So fast forward to November. I was completely consumed with our half marathon that we were preparing for at the beginning of the month in Savannah. It was a great race. I was FINALLY getting my speed back to where it was pre-Caleb. It's taken a LONG time to get back there and I was excited! After the race, the chaos of the seasons took over - Thanksgiving, end of year stuff, Christmas concerts, etc. I remember getting past my kids Christmas musical that I directed and thought "wait a second...what's the date? it seems like it's been a long time since..." I still didn't really think much about it - too busy to really - and we continued on to the kids' last week of school. At the end of THAT week (mid-December), I started thinking about it more. Way too scared to mention it out loud to David - knowing he was REALLY going to freak out. Finally, he said something to me one night "hey - wait a seems like its been a while since you last started....". I tried to brush him off, but said that I couldn't really remember the date either. Over the next couple of days, I was trying so hard to remember something - anything - that would disprove what I was really beginning to think might be true!

Then the week before Christmas the nausea hit. Oh for crying out loud. I knew there was no turning back now. I've had 4 babies. And my symptoms are all totally the same to the smallest degree. I told David and he knew immediately. I was still very freaked out and very much in denial. He was totally shocked for about a day and then had moved on to "okay! I guess God was really for us to have another baby". I was still in "maybe I'm just really late because I don't really remember the date and maybe I just haven't felt good and feel really tired and have gained some weight" mentality. :) We make it through Christmas and I feel EXHAUSTED! The nausea is in FULL force and it's taking everything I have NOT to let on because my mom and sister are both there! I feel very pudgy and very uncomfortable (ALREADY!) in all my clothes. Still not really believing it. Haven't even bought a pregnancy test. David told me it was a waste of money - we'd been through this 4 times and I have all the same symptoms - save yourself the $12 for the home test and just got to the doctor.

So right after Christmas, I called my ob/gyn to make an appointment. Because of the holidays I couldn't get in to see her until January 11. I felt like a total idiot on the phone because they asked me the date of my LMP and I couldn't tell them because I didn't have a clue! I could NOT for the life of me remember if it was in November or December!! When you are TRYING, you pay attention to every single thing. But we weren't trying - so I always knew vaguely, but it was never a big deal and we didn't have to know the EXACT date anymore, etc. I felt like an idiot on the phone though with the doctors office - like those 16 year old girls you see on TLC that are like "I didn't even know I was pregnant until the baby came out!" So embarrassing.

So now we are at the first week in January. I'm finally starting to believe that it is actually true. David continues to think I'm crazy for still being in denial. As we talk more about it and more about the fact that we don't really know a date, I realize that depending on if my LMP was November or December, I could be as little as 8-9 weeks pregnant or as far along as 13-14 weeks. That freaked me out a bit for two reasons. One - because I didn't want to be that far along and just now starting prenatal care. But secondly, because if I was 14 weeks along, that would put my due date in the middle of July which was when our family had planned our beach vacation! And we were supposed to finalize our house reservation that week (1st week of January).

So Kelli, who has been planning this vacation with me, calls me the first week of January. Says we need to go ahead and finalize our reservation for the house in the middle of July like we've been talking about for months. I, realizing that I can NOT do that until I know what my doctor says my due date is, realize I have to tell her. So I say "Well, can we look at the possibility of some other dates? Maybe early June or late August?" Kell is a little confused but says okay, lets ask the other sisters and mom. I call both and neither Kim nor my Mom can do June dates and late August won't work because of when school starts. So Kelli and I talk again and Kelli says "Dude. We just need to stick with the July dates like we talked about - everyone was good with it. What's your problem now?" I take a deep breath and say "I might be having a baby that week!" WHAT?!?!?! She flips out - is so excited for me...but is totally shocked! I tell her the whole story, tell her I'm not sure about my dates yet but am going to do the doctor next week and hopefully they will tell me. I make her SWEAR not to tell anyone and that I will keep her posted. Then I say "And I wasn't supposed to be the one announcing a pregnancy this year - that should be you!" to which she replies "guess what!!" Yep - she had just found out she was pregnant too, but super early and didn't want to tell anyone until much later.

So there we were. The two of us sister. Both pregnant. Both keeping each other's secrets!! I went to my doctors appointment the next week. Bought a home pregnancy test on the way because I knew they would ask me if I had taken one. Took it in the doctors office bathroom (!) and was STILL shocked when it showed up positive immediately. Everytime the nurse and the doctor asked a seemingly simple question "what is the date of your LMP", I apologized like I was a big moron. They were all very sweet and assured me that I was not the only woman than had ever happened to. The doctor sent me downstairs to have an ultrasound and confirmed that YES - I am pregnant, 9 weeks along, and baby is due August 14! I was relieved. Vacation could go on! And SHOCKED - I really was pregnant! Oh my!

I called Kelli back, told her the confirmed good news, and said vacation is still on! So our vacation house was booked that day for mid-July....and now I had to come to terms with the reality that we were having a baby again in August! :)

The next three weeks were long. I was still VERY sick...all day every day - just like always. I was extremely tired. And my clothes were all getting tighter and tighter. I guess that's the down side to having 4 kids. Your body knows EXACTLY what to do and pops RIGHT out from the start. Sigh. I knew that my Mom's birthday was the first weekend in February and decided that would be a great weekend to go visit her and then I could tell her the news in person. That would be right after the 12 week mark - which is how long we always like to wait before we tell people. Have lived through too much heartbreak to feel comfortable announcing it earlier than it makes things feel like they go a bit faster :). But I was really started to show signs and was just WAITING for someone at church to comment about how much weight I had gained! I essentially kept my hoodie on or jacket on for the next three weeks because everything I wore showed this poochy stomach of mine!!

I was relieved to finally get to tell the kids and get to tell Mom at the beginning of February, and then we made it public to everyone else the following week at the 13 weeks mark. Whew - what a secret we had kept for a long time!

So that's the story! I guess that's why God had not released me from those feelings yet. I did not feel complete or at peace and now I know why - we weren't complete yet!! :) It's still a bit shocking and definitely kicks me out of my comfort zone. I had given away ALL my maternity clothes. We don't have a car seat or high chair anymore. I had given away or consigned almost all of my baby stuff. The reality hasn't changed - we still have 4 other very busy, loud kids. We still are very busy with ministry and life. We still definitely aren't millionaires. But God has chosen to gift us with another life to teach and mold and train up in the Lord. And so we are thrilled for that blessing and look forward to meeting this new little gift.

(And oh - I think we aren't going to find out what we are having this time! Never done that before...and it's making people crazy. I'm sorry!) :)

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